Mr. Drunkanese

A Carnival cruise director tells what happened to a loud drunk at a show on board the cruise ship:

I just returned from the show where my mate and great comedian Al Ernst performed. When I walked out on stage I was confronted by a sea of green as all the proud Irish folks celebrated St. Patrick's Day. They had decided not just to celebrate by wearing the national colour but also by keeping up the national pastime of drinking..... a lot.

So it was that as I started the show the heckling began with a very happy man close to the front who shouted something in a language called drunkanese. I had no idea what he was saying and I was about to say something when his wife or partner took care of the situation for me. She was lady of rounded proportions and with the whole audience looking on she clamped her very large hand over his mouth and to our amazement took her other hand and twisted his ear until it was nearly as red as our poor sunburn victim Peter.

Now, this was done in full view of 1,000 people who were focused on Mr. Drunkanese and now watched as with this lady used her Ninja skills to subdue him. Some of the audience applauded and I simply said on the microphone that we have (just like the airlines) show marshals secretly hidden around the lounge and that she was one of them. I was going to take this a bit further and have more fun with this couple but my sixth sense seemed to tell me she was in no mood and if I pushed this any further I may be subjected to the same punishment that had Mr. Drunkanese in such pain and humiliation..... so I said nothing.

I heard nothing more from him during the show but I did sense that many of the audience had been sampling the delights of Cozumel's margaritas. So, it was time to take some of that energy out of them and therefore we did the Mexican wave and 1,000 people did it perfectly..... it was quite a sight.

The only person who didn't do it was Mr. Drunkanese who would have found it difficult considering he had 300 pounds of wife dragging him out of the showroom as we did it..... I wouldn't want to be him as having a few extra beers was about to result in pain and agony from hands the size of tennis rackets.

Later he ran into the couple on the deck of the ship. They were Russian. "I looked at his wife..... this was the largest lady I had ever seen and most of her mass was muscle....."

Oh. "She clamped her very large hand over his mouth" to shut him up?! "Hands the size of tennis rackets"?!! Right in front of a thousand people???! MMMMMMMHHH!!!!