Handgagging as a Science

"Okay," said Dr. Celia Hansen, "here, you see, is the power switch... and that bank of meters there... and in just a couple of minutes, everything will be up to speed."

Of course as a grad student in physics, Zed was excited at this personal one-on-one demonstration of... well, let's call it the "particle device." Zed knew how it worked, and as for Dr. Hansen, she had helped design the device. Covered the better part of a basketball court, ran up a ginormous electric bill, made elementary particles cavort in ways only a physicist could love.

If I called it a "zonomac" or a "kolomac" or whatever, would you know the difference? Zed knew the difference. Dr. Celia Hansen certainly knew the difference. As for you and me, I think we can get away with calling it the "particle device."

"Now," said Dr. Hansen, "it's coming up toward yellow... toward green..."

Zed said, "Then is it--mmmmmmmhh!" The tall lanky grad student was cut off in mid-question as Celia Hansen suddenly pressed her left hand, thumb down, over his mouth. The damp moist palm of her big smooth left hand... suddenly pressed down firmly over Zed's mouth!

"Oh, you'll have to excuse me," said Dr. Hansen, "this device is my baby, I just get keyed up when I'm running it. I have a thing about people not talking when I'm running things here. In other words, don't speak unless you're spoken to!" And with that, the physicist removed her hand from Zed's mouth.

If Zed could have gotten away with it, he would've scratched his stubble-haired head. Right in front of Dr. Hansen! He was thinking to himself that Celia Hansen was one damn fine woman, no doubt about that. But she had her quirks... One damn fine woman, about age 35, pretty, and shapely beneath that white lab coat. She wore her long black hair tied behind her head in a ponytail, and she wore those severe nerdy eyeglasses. But nothing could hide the fact that Celia Hansen was a damn attractive woman.

Attractive hands, too. Large smooth long hands. Smooth backed hands. Long slender fingers, nails left carelessly untrimmed and some of them grown out rather long. Attractive hands, though Zed had been somewhat surprised to find one of Celia's hands suddenly pressed over his mouth!

"Okay, now we're into the green," said Dr. Hansen, "and I'm going to set things up for a test run." She began flipping switches, turning dials on the control panel.

"Hmmm, now is that one--mmmmmmmhhh!" Again Zed's question was cut off. This time Celia Hansen reached around from behind his head, and clamped her big left hand quite firmly over Zed's mouth, the soft warm damp palm of her hand sealing his mouth fast shut, her longnailed thumb up along the side of his nose.

"Mmmmmhhh, hmmmm mmmm mmmmmmhh..." Zed made tentative noises from beneath the soft firm palm of Dr. Hansen's silencing hand. He worked his jaw, as if trying to get his mouth open; but he couldn't. She had her hand fastened too tight over his mouth, he couldn't get it open even when he tried.

Celia Hansen muttered under her breath, "There... the accelerator is coming online... It will be simpler if I just keep my hand over your mouth..."

"Mmmmmmmhhh! Hhhhmmm, mmmmmmmm..." As Zed made more noises, he suddenly found Celia's hand gripping his mouth tighter and tighter, until her warm moist palm was squeezing his mouth very, very tightly indeed. "Mmmmmmmhhhh!!"

Dr. Hansen continued to fiddle with the control panel as she kept her hand over Zed's mouth. "And we're about to go here. Oh, I'm so neurotic about this device, sorry, I'm afraid I can't let you speak a word!"

Zed was working and straining his jaw harder and harder beneath Celia's soft firm imprisoning hand, but no matter how he tried he couldn't get his mouth open. He just couldn't. She had surprising strength in her large long smooth hand, she was keeping his mouth sealed shut in her grip and Zed couldn't begin to get his mouth open, not even working his jaw with all his strength! "Mmmmmmmmhhhh..."

"Okay," said Dr. Hansen, "there she goes! Oh... did you catch that on the meters? We'll have a printout here in just a minute, old zeta plotter, still works great..."

Zed sat there silently watching the proceedings, unable to speak, with Celia Hansen's big smooth hand still clamped firmly over his mouth. He turned his head back and forth a little, left and right, left and right, and went, "Mmmmmmmhhh, hmmmmmm mmmmm mmm hmmmmm, mmmm hmmmmm MMMMMMMMHHH!" But she didn't take the hint, she just kept right on holding his mouth.

Now the printout was finished, and suddenly Celia came to, as if she only just now realized that she still had her hand gripped over Zed's mouth. "Oh... would you like me to take my hand off your mouth now?"

Strangely enough, even once Celia had asked this question, she didn't let go right away. Zed had to make a few more mmmmmphing noises, straining to open his mouth beneath the firm grip of her hand, and then dumbly nod his head before Celia finally took her big warm smooth damp hand away from his mouth.

"Sorry," she said with a puckish grin, "I get too excited when I'm playing with my toys here. And I can't stand to have anyone talking! But do you see the basic procedure here, how things work?"

It wasn't until later that day, when Zed was having a cup of coffee in the departmental lounge, that he paused to reflect on just how peculiar Celia Hansen's little mouth holding quirk was. Well, hand over the mouth to keep someone shut up, that is a typical feminine practice. But still...

A fellow grad student sat down by Zed. "Well, did you enjoy Celia's mad scientist show this morning?"

Zed nodded his head over his cup of coffee. "Hmmmm, yah, interesting!"

"Did she give you... the, uh, silent treatment?"

It took a moment before Zed caught on. "Oh, you mean holding her hand over my mouth?"

Laughter. "Yeah, Celia's more than a bit of a nutcase, you won't get through her demo without finding how it feels to have her hand fastened over your mouth!"

"The thing is," said Zed, "she just kept it up and up, her hand over my mouth, and she wouldn't let go!"

"Well," said the other grad student, "that's just one of Celia's little peculiarities." Just one?! "She's held my mouth so many times in there, I've lost count. But she's a good professor, she's a damn good researcher, and you'll find she's a great adviser."

"Yeah," said Zed, "I'm going to be doing my dissertation under her, on certain particle reactions--"

"Well then, you'll be spending a lot of time in there with Celia's big toy. And a lot of time with Celia's hand kept tight over your mouth."