A Gal with a Super Long Fingernail

This one happened back when I was in college. It was a Friday evening, and I'd already been drinking a fair amount of beer when my roommate came back to the dorm and insisted on dragging me out to see some movie on campus. So we went out to this lecture hall where a campus film society was showing the film.

I was sitting there in my seat waiting for the lights to dim, because concealed in the pockets of my overcoat I had another couple of bottles of cold beer. In the meanwhile I was looking around in this lecture hall packed full of students on a Friday night. I was looking around...

Glancing over across the aisle to the right of me, I saw this attractive college coed sitting there. She was a small gal, slender but shapely, long dark hair, and I looked down at her beautiful smooth backed left hand and I almost had a heart attack!

Because this chick had some long fingernails. Some of her nails were grown out unusually long, and the nail on the last finger of her left hand... oh, the nail on her left little finger... She had that nail grown out grotesquely long, it was so long that it was just unnatural...

The last fingernail on this girl's left hand was grown out, by my careful estimate, a good one and five-eighths inches long!

I was sitting there, more than a little inebriated, looking down at this young woman's hand spread out atop her thigh, spread out on top of her blue jeans, with that bizarre fingernail which was more than an inch and a half long. I could hardly believe it! It was perhaps the longest fingernail I'd ever seen in real life up till that time.

Then the lights went out, the movie rolled, I retrieved a cold bottle of beer from my overcoat pocket and took a swig. And I was hardly even able to follow the movie, I just couldn't pay attention, because my mind was filled with that girl to the right of me in the dark, that girl with the incredibly long fingernail.

In fact, by the time the movie was finished and the lights came on, I had polished off the beer I'd brought with me, and I was even more drunk than I'd been when we came in. And I glanced over and once again I caught sight of that beautiful girl and her bizarrely long fingernail.

And as people were getting up to leave, for a minute I was planning, in my drunken stupor, to accost this gal and ask her straight out about her unusually long nail. You know, "Say, I couldn't help but notice, you've got one nail on your left hand that's extremely long, it looks longer than an inch and a half. I was just wondering, how long is that fingernail? Why did you decide to grow such a long fingernail? Is that the longest fingernail you've ever had? Well, I think it's really neat!"

I almost did it. I almost stopped that girl in the crowd, I almost stopped her and drunkenly asked her these questions. But somehow in the beery haze my better judgment came to the fore, and I let her recede into the crowd as I turned to my roommate and we prepared to exit into the night.